1 in 5

🔺🔺THIS IS A CONTENT WARNING FOR SEXUAL ASSAULT AND BULLYING🔺🔺

I want to give credit where it is due. Selby is a girl in my area who I have known basically her whole life. She is currently my hero. To read about her and her story you can click here. She's currently going through a legal battle against her former employer and assaulter. Send her love and good vibes y'all. She's simply amazing and truly inspiring.


I'm very conflicted writing this. I've spent so much time listing the pros and cons in my head. Deciding what to do. Consulting with close friends and all that. It's not that I'm embarrassed about my past experiences. I'm just a bit more private about the things I share with others. I've learned over the years to keep my guard up, and not to overshare, especially when it comes to stuff you don't want everyone and their mother to know about. I'm honestly okay with the things that have happened in my past. Without the things that happened to me back then, I wouldn't be who I am now, and for that I am grateful for the experiences that molded me into the person I am today. I just wish it could have happened differently.

So y'all, depending on how long you've known me you know that I am a serial monogamist. I was the boyfriend type. This earned me the title of "slut" in school. Even my own grandmother has made fun of how quickly I moved through relationships during this time of my life. I didn't care that people thought I moved too quickly from one person to another. What I did care about is the fact that people felt the need to come up with lies about me to explain my behavior. I couldn't do what I felt to be just fun without people judging me. These people were people from my church, these people were people at my school, these people were people who didn't even attend my school, and just happened to hear about me. This honestly impacted me so negatively. This is one of the reasons I didn't report my sexual assault when it happened. Why would I when I would just be called a whore, and told that I was "probably asking for it" from the people that were supposed to care about me and support me the most. Why would I when I was told all the time that I had no self respect and didn't care about myself or my body? Why would I when honestly I didn't care about myself, so why would anyone else? 

My junior year of high school I was sexually assaulted by someone I knew well. I won't go into the details, and I won't share his name. This is what I will say though; I should have said something sooner. I should have fought back. I should have done something to protect myself, but I didn't. He was older. He was well known. He was respected. He was "a great guy" by all other standards. Then there was me. I was young. I had no idea how to go about discussing what had happened to me with anyone else. I was the hoe. I was the one people shit on. I didn't respect myself, so why should anyone else? I had guilt about what happened. Which, when you think about it, is incredible. How could I possibly have guilt about something that I didn't do? How could I have guilt about something that I didn't ask for and that I didn't want for myself? I hid it, and for awhile there I was ashamed. I pretended everything was fine when it wasn't. I locked that part of me away and I honestly don't remember if I really told anyone until a few years ago. Maybe one or two people here and there, but nothing like this. 

Looking back on my situation I wish I had the support system I do now. Not just like the friends I have now, but the internet is a completely different place as well. It's empowering. It's uplifting. It's simply incredible. There have been so many forward movements lately in the mainstream that have caused me to come to the conclusion that i wanted to share my story. Not for anyone else, but just for  me. My friends, additionally, have been extremely supportive of me and my decision to let other people in on what happened to me. 

With this post I am not looking for people to pity me. I don't want you to tell me "I'm sorry". You can call me a liar. You can call me a whore (to this day people still do). You can tell me I'm doing this for attention. You can hurl anything else you want at me, but that won't change what I know to be true in my heart.

I want to hear you tell me and the other people in your life that you're there for them if they need to talk about anything like this. Remember 1 in 5 women experience sexual assault of some form and 1 in 71 men experience sexual assault of some kind. We need to be here for everyone. We need to be a listening ear for everyone. We need not pass judgement onto others especially when to them it feels as though their world is crumbling around them. Always remember that until you are in that person's shoes there is no understanding why or how they reacted at the time. All you can do is continue to love, and support, and listen to them.