I Am Not Womanly Enough (according to some)

Hello everyone! 

The past few weeks have been hectic between moving, packing then subsequently unpacking, and my birthday I haven't had a lot of time to write! Thank you to everyone who has checked on me. I'm doing so well in my new place, and now that I'm getting back in the swing of things I have found time to continue writing again. I have a lot of drafts saved right now, so I definitely have some things lined up for y'all!

Anywho 

I've been on a few dates since my breakup and this particular topic though has been one I've been thinking about often. I tend to have a pretty commanding personality. I like to take charge, and I personally live by the saying "if you want a thing done well, do it yourself" (that's a quote by Napoleon Bonaparte by the way). Which isn't a terrible motto, but it can be considered a turn off in a lot of situations when dating. A lot of men say they like a woman that can "take charge" and is "independent" all the while these same men set a limit on how independent women can be before it's no longer a sexy quality. I know I tend to do things like pull the lead while dancing, tell the waitress "we're good" at the restaurant before my date has a chance to register what was just said, open my own doors etc. All things I've done a lot and have been made to feel bad about because of another man's gentle sensitivities. 

Honestly it isn't easy being told you aren't "womanly" enough. Especially if you're in a relationship with someone who you respect. It's worse specifically when you're just doing what you've always done. Being raised in a household where it was just my sister and I, being the first to the door meant you got to pick the better set of crayons the hostess gave out at the host stand. This also meant you didn't wait for anyone to get the door for you. Why would you anyways though when you can do it yourself? My father taught my sister and I to be fiercely independent and not have to rely on another man. We both took jujitsu, we both know how to file our own taxes, pay our own bills, we've been working jobs since we were young, and YES we were even taught to open our own doors.

What really sucks about all of this is when people proceed to compare you to other girls who cater better to their egos by being more submissive. I shouldn't be expected to change who I am to cater to you. You aren't my life. My life does not revolve around you. I don't think I'll ever be able to change how I am to cater to another human unless that human comes from my own loins. Not to say that there isn't room for more trust or personal growth. I just know that I can't won't change who I am fundamentally. I just always have to remind myself that if I can't be myself with a guy literally anyone then I don't need to be with them. 
I deserve to be loved the way I am. 
I deserve love.