Reminders

The alternate title for this post is "Let's Face it These are New Years Resolutions that you're going to try your best to stick to, it's another new decade new me post", but I digress.

ANYWAYS

Wow

It's almost been a year since I've published anything. I'm sorry to anyone who used to read my blog when I would post things, and how I just kind of quit on y'all. I seriously can't explain how much that meant to me! Last year I fell off from writing because of a lot of different circumstances. I've since made my comeback and kind of started to get my life back on track. This particular post probably isn't a good example since I typed out a majority of this post, and it didn't save so I got flustered aaaannnndddd haven't touched it in like 5 weeks. That isn't the point though, so whatever. We're looking to the future now! So with Austin Eastciders in hand, let's get to it.

I turned 24 last year back in August. Which is awhile ago honestly. I still can't believe that it's already almost February. 2020 has already started and I can't believe it! THE DECADE HAS BEGUN! WaIt WhAt?! Okay, seriously, let's get started. Focus, Kelsie.

I've been telling myself that in this, my 24th year of life, I would remind myself to breathe sometimes. I often don't realize how regularly I hold my breath. Whether that's anxiety driven or otherwise I do it quite a bit. I unknowingly keeping myself from relaxing. I do it a lot more often than I realize and it's a bit of a problem. Sometimes my boyfriend will come over and put his hand on my leg and I let out my lungs. Suddenly I'm thinking to myself "when was the last time I took a breath?". In other situations as well I'm finding that reminding myself to breathe is helping a lot. During arguments this is becoming especially helpful. I'm known to be quick to anger, but being mindful about my breathing pattern when I'm becoming frustrated has helped as well. 

Breathing isn't the only thing though. My body has gone through a lot of changes I was not and still am not fully used to. *Queue opening theme song for Big Mouth* My entire life I've had a pretty fast metabolism. At my heaviest (ya know before now) I was at 130. Since I switched my birth control like 2 years ago I've been steadily gaining weight. It's been hard. I'm definitely not fat, but I'm also not as thin as I was, and am comfortably a size 10. It's been so difficult because I'm realizing now that I will literally have to fight my own body (through working out and not eating candy every opportunity) to get my weight back to how it was. I tried Weight Watchers for awhile, and it worked for a few pounds. All of the girls in the office were doing it so it was easy to stay on track. Honestly, it really reminded me of when I used to count calories and was restricting my food intake. That Weight Watchers journey lasted about a month before I had a mental breakdown about how many points that a regular beef pho was going to cost me, and don't get me started on the point value of a slice of cheesecake. I actually cried. Don't judge me...this is my blog. It's really going to be a struggle for me, but part of this is also going to be reminding myself that I'm not 16 anymore and that this is my body. Better get used to it.

I'm also making myself write more. This is so cathartic. With the way my life has been going recently I have been very much in need of an outlet that isn't just baking all the time. Although I did learn to make a pumpkin pie FROM THE PUMPKIN I need something that contributes better to a relief of emotions. I do find that writing is an easy way to help kind of put everything in front of me and "talk it out" in a sense. I'm letting it be known that I will be writing again this year. I want to try to put out two posts a month, but we'll see how that goes. 

Moving on: I AM STARTING SCHOOL AGAIN! School for me starts next week. I'm determined to make good grades. I haven't been back to school in 5-ish years. When I was in my freshman year I did really well my first semester, but in my second semester I got my heart broken and flunked out. I was so upset. Going to school away from my parents was amazing and I messed it up because of  dumb boy. After I left school I tried going to the local community college but I did terrible. I wasn't actually ready to go back to school. I am now though, but I'm so nervous. It's okay though because I know I can do this and I'm taking it one step (or two classes) at a time. I will graduate even if I'm 30 when I do it. 

Y'all wish me luck with these. They're easy looking at them, but are kind of hard in practice. I keep telling myself the same thing my coworker said to me "if you tell yourself you're bad at something you'll be bad at it. If you tell yourself you're good at something, then you'll be good at it". So I'm good at school, I'm good at breathing calmly, I'm good at writing, and I'm good at taking care of my body. 

Until next time! 

-Kelsie